November 8, 2013
By Abigail Diehl-Noble
I call it the Great Illusion, and, being a Waldorf teacher (can we say “idealist”?) and an excited new parent, I fell for it entirely. The illusion is that, by shaping our children’s environment in just the right way, and parenting wisely, we can make them turn out the way we want them to be. That is, well-behaved, well-adjusted, and blissfully happy most of the time.
The reality of children who melted down, were tempermentally challenging, and defied me (particularly when hungry and tired) was eye opening. Family dinner, some days, seemed like a pipe dream. With three children under six at the table, sometimes all we could hope for was survival and getting a little food into most of the mouths present.
What I learned over time—we’re on our third preschooler, and experience has been a good teacher—is that controlling the environment doesn’t let us control our children, or make family life stress-free. But it does help us guide the children better. The best part is that with one child in the grade school, I can see what we were aiming for: sometimes, there are family dinners where everyone talks to each other and eats what we serve. I never would have believed it.
A little more practical inspiration along the way would have been great. Maybe we would have figured out sooner that the essential ingredient in a meal with young children is humor. Maybe we would have learned to set the table sooner, before hunger pains set in. Maybe we would have had age-appropriate expectations, and spent less time looking at each other, numbly asking, “What’s wrong with this picture?”
We are so lucky to have a conference about all of this and more. What we need most as parents is support in creating the family culture we want, and the courage to go for it.
Our keynote speaker for the Life of the Child Conference next weekend, Sharifa Oppenheimer, is a Waldorf kindergarten teacher with 30 years of experience, a mother of three, and a grandmother of two. Sharifa is wise, warm, down-to-earth, and eminently practical. You will leave her presentation re-inspired to craft the family life you want, and with the tools you need to begin to do it.
Our workshop presenters offer more perspectives on family culture and parenting. Anne Shapiro, parenting educator and former class teacher, shares in her workshop “A Parent’s Path,” that some of the most important work we do for our children is within ourselves. David Sewall McCann of Sparkle Stories, professional storyteller, will speak about the family “Master Story.” Every family has a story that weaves together shared joys, challenges, and images; changing (or adjusting) the story can powerfully affect family life. Erik Thompson, family psychologist and director of the Vermont Center for Family Studies, will speak about taking charge and giving direction to our family in the workshop “Parental Leadership.” And Jason Frishman, family psychologist and owner of Folkfoods, will speak about bringing families together through mealtimes in his workshop, “Everyone Around the Table.”
The conference will take place November 15 and 16. Sharifa Oppenheimer’s Friday night keynote speech is from 7-9 p.m. at Contois Auditorium in Burlington; the Saturday conference is from 8 a.m.-1 p.m. at the Turtle Lane Campus of LCWS. Cost is $20/Friday night only, $60 for the entire conference (hearty morning snack included). Register online or call Pam Graham at 985-2827 ext. 12. Limited scholarship available.
Abigail Diehl-Noble is a Waldorf middle and high school English teacher with ten years of teaching experience. She is also mother to three young children at LCWS.